this is one of those nights things just come crashing down. I am feeling lonely even though i have my kids and have some friends, I still don't have him here. This is one of those situations that some people do not and will never fully understand. I thank God daily when I get to talk to my husband or at least see a post stating that he was on and was going to be busy or going to bed or whatever it maybe, because when I do not get to see those and I go a while without hearing from him I start to go crazy. Yes, I have heard from him today thankfully. I am just saying that here lately we have talked daily and I am just waiting for the time to come for me to start stressing over nothing. It happened last time and I started to feel anxious the other day and I knew deep down everything was ok but at the same time it had been a little while since I talked to him. It might seem petty to freak if I don't hear from him by a certain time just one day, but here's the thing if you even think it is really petty then you will never fully understand unless you are ever in this situation.
This is our second deployment together and his in his whole career. I love my husband so much for everything he does and support him in this. In a weird way it is almost as if him being in the military and knowing everything that he puts on the line within the year he is deployed brings us that much closer, even though at times it might seem like we are just done we are just young and still trying to get our lives to mold together. We have been through so much together and have gotten through it all and came out with two wonderful blessings. These are the times when wives will get anxious about the little things.
One main thing i know causes a lot of anxiety for wives is if they see the two men in uniform walk up to them. Really it doesn't matter what dress they are in, I mean it does because you know the severity based on it but you know either way something bad happened. Or when you go a little while without hearing from your loved one and you get and unexpected knock, you will feel your heart drop so far walking to see who it is and the joy when it is just some random person. I would rather see the mailman stand at my door unexpected at those times honestly.
This is just one of those nights I really do wish that he did not have to deploy. This too we will overcome. I always remind myself that he will be back soon. And even if, and thank God it is not, two years from now every day we are a day closer to being back together. Sometimes when we talk I almost feel as if "hello you are how far away from me pay attention to me" because when we talk we kind of run out of things to really talk about because being apart like this we don't get to talk about any and everything we have a limited amount of things that he can talk to me about and I have no clue what to talk to him about. I am all over the place playing the role of a single mom to two young children so when we start off my day talking to each other and end his night i have to tend to them and i know that he understands just as I understand that he gets bored just sitting there talking to me. I mean when i really think about it we don't really spend all day talking when he is home. We keep busy with other stuff tending to the children and him playing games and I am usually on the computer. Honestly, we really need to change that but thats just us and how we are idk if there is much to change we are happy and we have a relationship we just don't keep up each others rears like some. I mean this is a 4 year relationship so it is not like it's in the new phase of needing to be right there all the time we know we can talk to each other whenever and about anything. I love our life together and apart, more so when we are together but either way that is usually a give right.
Our daughter will tell me often how she misses her daddy and thankfully he has been able to use another soldiers comp lately so we get to see him now too which is nice. As much as he thought she wasn't much of a daddy's girl and as much as she is a mommy's girl she loves him so much and misses him just as much. I sometimes wish she was better at being able to express herself better cause it would be nice all the way around she would feel better and I would know how she was feeling. I mean i do to an extent but there is a difference between being his wife and being his child obviously so the feeling is different to have your daddy gone for a long time and not really understand it. but then again i like that she doesn't fully understand because right now it seems to be easier to just tell her daddy is at work. If she really understood what he was going through i know it would be harder on her.
I really don't know what else to say other then I really miss him and can't wait for him to return. I love you babe and I pray for the safe return of you and the guys there as well. Keep your head strong and don't let the little things get you. Your mind is one of the best things to get through this and I know we will make it through and you will be home before you know it!!
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